The Soapbox | Where South Africans Speak Out

AskMen.com claims that over 80% of women achieve orgasm best by clitoral stimulation rather than deep penetration. But most interesting, is a fact unknown to some, that the prostrate is the male equivalent of a female’s g-spot. Exploring the area around their anus is for most men absolutely taboo; in fact it can be said with confidence that straight men abhor having anything stuck up their anus (perhaps that’s because some of them spend half their lives pretending that they do anyway). What this points to really would be that the male and female genitalia, as nature would have it, have almost no role to play in satisfying one’s significant other. Why would nature have it so if she intended for purely heterosexual relations to be the order of the day? In any case this was to be a rather conservative article focusing on conservative issues such as incest and homosexuality. I opted out… I loathe conservative issues, mostly because they have been exhausted to death. The burgeoning issue at the beginning of 2009 really is: how will Madiba’s children cope in the new society?

It might help to be on the same page as to which of Madiba’s children we are speaking of, because there are many. The term “Madiba’s children” is more often than not used to refer to the generation that started school in 1995. However, it is probably safe to apply it to those who started the school system from 1990 onwards. Being black or white was never about one’s colour. Being black or white has always referred to a way of life, a culture, a social identity. Perhaps it was merely consequential that those who owned this social identity could be collectively recognised by the colour of their skin: ‘black’ or ‘white’. But what happens when the colour of your skin no longer gives you entitlement to that social identity? One’s instinctive answer may be that well then we’ve attained the dream. Arguably the dream is at its most desirable when attained by all. When only a small minority have been elevated to the educated, fancy twang echelons of ‘sosati’ it places them at odds with those in ‘society’, and henceforth begins the struggle to be a member of both these elitist groups.

If Madiba’s reign was the marriage of this country to economic prosperity, political freedom and social justice, then the so called Black Diamonds are the legitimate offspring who can partake in a flourishing ‘sosati.’ But what of those who seem to have been born out of this holy matrimony, quite harshly put, what of Madiba’s bastards? Who live in poverty and for whom legislative equality has not been translated to anything tangible. For many blacks this is their social identity and the society within which they live. Both these groupings have their snobs who will not allow you into their circle unless you qualify. I am sure every well-to do black has had the experience of visiting not so well off relations who eye you up and down as though you have descended from another planet. If it is not your clothes that are different, or that your parents have a car, then it will certainly be that your vernacular seems to have been weathered by the elements because it certainly no longer sounds like theirs. And similarly because you cannot hold a lengthy conversation about Gossip Girl, Boston Legal or even about Machiavelli or Descartes entry on their part into your world is all but restricted.

I don’t deny that this is the kind of superficial analysis of social dynamics that a short article falls trap to. I have made the dividing lines almost too simple, they unfortunately do not run as straight as this article purports. The lines are jagged, at parts interwoven and at others marred. Nonetheless, as ironic as it seems the new South Africa has meant that it is the black youth who also have to, in the words of the Krokodil, ‘Adapt or Die.’ Being “in touch with your roots” is a popular phrase and the fight to be an educated black who can still chill with igenge ekasi/elokshini can be seen at its best in political circles where fraudulent accents find a home: “agreement” becomes “agriment” and “country” becomes “cowntry”. Oh these fraudsters know how to pronounce these words very well but unfortunately the more a part of sosati you are, the further one is from their roots. So it would seem.

What good will come of this is that more and more people will realize that being black was never about the colour of one’s skin. But for now while we are at a loss to the answer to this most burgeoning of questions, we can look to Facebook for answers where some seem to agree that you’re a Truly South African Darkie when…

1. You’ve remixed English with your vernacular countless times.
2. You’ve accidentally said something like “reach” instead of “rich” or “kettle” when you meant “cattle”.
3. You think BEE is the best thing that’s ever happened in this country =D.
4. Randoms always claim to be your cousins…
5. Whenever there’s a family occassion, you always meet or discover a random new family member… ALWAYS!
6.You know black people can’t swim ‘cos they ain’t streamlined enough!

Amanda Ngwenya is a Law student at the University of Cape Town.